Pretty regularly, women who are desperate for sleep come to me. These women say things like “I’m losing it,” “I’m going to go insane if I don’t get some sleep” or “I can’t take this anymore.”
Most of them are mothers whose sleep is being regularly disrupted by their children. You may think of mothers with infants or toddlers, but this isn’t always the case. Just last week it was a mom of 3 tweens who was being interrupted in the night, and felt completely frazzled because of it.
If this is describes you, or someone close to you – Take It Seriously! When people are so sleep deprived that they are “desperate for sleep” they need help, and soon. Professional sleep help may be needed, however, sometimes a few nights for a ‘Sleep Holiday’ can do wonders.
What do I mean by ‘Sleep Holiday?’ Arrange a few (2-3) nights when the mom can sleep completely uninterrupted. This can make a huge difference helping her feel more emotionally calm, rested, and better able to problem solve and stick to a plan to help her children sleep more independently. (Note – although it’s typically mothers who I see in this situation, it could easily be fathers, or anytone in the position of caregiving in the night).
For those 2-3 nights, arrange for the mother and children to sleep in different places – assign mom the guest room on another floor, better yet, have the children go to grandmas, or mom to go sleep at a hotel or a quiet friends house. The mother should go to bed at her earliest usual time, and sleep until she is done, without an alarm. Do all the things we’ve talked about to make the bedroom an ideal place to sleep, and turn off all phones and alarms.
For mothers who are breastfeeding, it may not be possible to have such long breaks from night-time caregiving, but is just as important. Figure out a strategy that will work for your family to get mom some long periods of uninterrupted sleep. Possibly mom can do the first feeding of the night, then dad can give a bottle later in the night. Even just using this strategy on weekends will result in a better rested mom.
Again, if you or your loved one is feeling ‘desperate for sleep’ take it seriously, and make a plan for them to have a ‘Sleep Holiday’ with less interruptions immediately, starting tonight.